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Is your marriage off-balance since the birth of your children?
Do you feel taken advantage of, constantly stressed, exhausted? Do you and your spouse barely have time to talk to each other, or when you do, find yourselves arguing or just staying silent? Whether you’ve seriously contemplated divorce or consider yourself basically happily married, the tensions of modern life can strain any marriage. In "Love, Honor & Negotiate: Making Your Marriage Work", family therapist Betty Carter offers a cutting edge, common sense approach to helping marriages survive, grow, and flourish: renegotiating the marriage contract. A wife and mother herself - and the first woman to direct a major family therapy training institute - Carter has discovered during her twenty-five years in practice that even the most loving relationships still tend to be governed by the Golden Rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules. Couples today want to be equals, but workplace penalties for taking too much family time force us into traditional roles, especially once we have children. Many women who try to do it all end up exhausted and resentful; women who cut back at work, or stop working, sacrifice financial strength and autonomy. But couples can redefine power to create relationships that value nurturing as much as money. Betty Carter herself and her husband, Sam, have renegotiated their marriage contract three times: when Betty decided to join the workforce again after two years at home with their first son; when her career took off and they both had to learn that less togetherness didn’t mean less intimacy; and most recently when their boys left home. Contrary to current self-help advice, it is not enough to work solely on feelings, says Carter. Couples must also make practical changes: Pregnant Gina was torn between love of her work and her mother's belief that she should just stay home. She hadn't even broached the subject of child care with her husband, Dale. Once they each agreed to work three days a week - and Gina informed her parents - her headaches and insomnia vanished. Through many such meaningful examples, Carter shows that we can tailor our marriages to fit the pressures of the real world. Topics explored include:
Provocative and compassionate, "Love, Honor & Negotiate" gives us the practical tools necessary to make profound, lasting changes in our marriages - and to love, honor, and successfully negotiate our contracts into the twenty-first century. "With Betty Carter's book, marriage does not have to be a white-water rafting trip. This wise family therapist knows where the spills are most likely to occur, and guides us through the rapids of parenting, empty nest, and retirement with candor and wit. I'm sure "Love, Honor & Negotiate" will find millions of readers." - Gail Sheehy, author of The Silent Passage and New Passages. "Full of wonderful stories....lf you read only one book about marriage, make it this one!" - Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., author of The Good Divorce,
"How are couples able to work out a viable and gratifying game plan in a time of fast-paced cultural change?
In "Love, Honor & Negotiate" author Betty Carter offers an abundance of wisdom, insight and some wonderfully practical suggestions." Betty Carter, MSW, is the cofounder and director of the Family Institute of Westchester, where she conducts a clinical practice. She has written numerous professional articles and books, received several professional awards, and is often quoted in Redbook, Family Circle, Cosmopolitan, and other national magazines. Joan Peters is the author of Manny and Rose, a novel. Her stories, reviews, and articles on travel, motherhood, and politics have appeared in The New York Times, Ms., Family Life, and other publications. |
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